


One Day at a Time

by Elwyne



Series: The Ex-Detectives [6]
Category: Broadchurch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2280852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elwyne/pseuds/Elwyne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellie struggles to balance her heart and her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Day at a Time

Ellie lay sleepless, watching the sky gradually brighten outside her window, Freddy sprawled unself-consciously beside her. She envied him his carefree innocence, unable to remember anymore what it was like not to worry. What it was like to sleep undisturbed. Too restless to lie still any longer, she eased out of bed, careful not to wake him. Let him be a child a while longer, she thought.

The time on her phone was nearly six. Freddy and his brother would wake soon enough, and another relentless day begin. With a sigh she pulled on her dressing gown and stole out of the room.

Grey daylight illuminated the kitchen. Ellie put on coffee and set out cereal for the boys' breakfast. She washed the tea things from the previous night. She worried about Alec. Who was she to the people in his life? Would anyone call her if something went wrong? If he died, would she ever know?

The smell of coffee drifted across the room. Ellie stirred herself to pour a cup. The hot acrid scent roused her somewhat, and she headed back upstairs to dress. On her way the armchair by the fireplace caught her eye. How long had he been unconscious before she noticed? She tore her gaze from the empty chair, dry-eyed. There were no tears left in her for anyone.

A gentle tap at the door startled her. The police, she was certain: PC Tate or some other half-familiar face, come to deliver her the bad news. She set her cup on the mantle with trembling hands and pulled her dressing gown tightly around her. How many times in the years since Danny's death had she imagined this exact scene, every moment Tom spent out of her sight? She drew a fortifying breath and opened the door.

It wasn't Tate, or any other officer of the law. Instead, a slender young woman of twenty or so waited nervously on the step. Tall and willowy, dressed in a smart lilac raincoat with a matching trilby perched atop her hennaed thatch, she looked shyly at Ellie through unmistakeable eyes. "Sorry to call so early," she said, in a Scottish lilt as clear as bells. "I came for my dad's car, and I saw your light on -"

"Teresa?" Ellie breathed.

The young woman offered her hand. Silver bangles jingled on her wrist, glittering in the dawn. "Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Miller."

"Ellie, please," Ellie said as they shook. "Likewise."

"Ellie, then," said Teresa. "I saw your light, and I wanted to say thanks, and let you know he's fine."

Dizzy with relief Ellie sagged against the door frame. "Thank god."

"Just a fainting spell," said Teresa. "He'll get them now and again if he isn't careful."

"I'm glad it's nothing worse," said Ellie. "Can I offer you something? There's fresh coffee."

"Thanks, but I must dash. If I'm not there when he wakes he'll try to leave hospital on his own."

"Wait." Ellie took Alec's coat from the hook behind the door. "He might want this."

Teresa flashed a smile as rare and radiant as her father's. "He might, at that."

"Thank you," said Ellie. "I'm very grateful to know he's all right."

"It's no bother," the girl shrugged. "Bye for now." She strode away, graceful as a dancer. Ellie shut the door and turned to see Freddy standing on the stairs, wide-eyed with wonder. 

"Mummy," he breathed. "Who's that lady?"

"That lady," said Ellie emphatically, "is the daughter of my good friend Alec."

Freddy gazed at the closed door with reverence. "She's pretty."

"Isn't she just?" Ellie sighed; she had never felt older or more homely in her life. "Come on, sweetheart, come and get your breakfast."

 

The phone call came that afternoon. Ellie glanced toward her supervisor's office door, then grabbed her phone from her handbag and slipped out into the hall. "You're alive," she said.

"Aye," said Alec. "Thanks to you."

"Oh, please. It wasn't that bad."

He chuckled. "I suppose not."

"Are you home?"

"At last. As you say, it wasn't serious. I'm to stay quiet for a few days, is all."

"Think you can manage it?"

"Well..." He sounded uncertain.

"What is it?"

"I didn't just come to your house to give you a fright. I had intended to tell you I had a call a few days ago from an old acquaintance. Karen White."

"Karen White?" Ellie frowned. "Oh god. That awful woman from the press."

"Aye, the same." He sighed. "I gave her the Sandbrook story."

"I remember." It stung, remembering how White's article had fixed the blame for Sandbrook more firmly on Alec, all while pretending to absolve him of it. "What the bloody hell did she want?"

"She owed me a favor. She got a tip on the case and called me with it."

"What case? Sandbrook? After all this time?"

"There's been another murder."

Ellie's heart began to thump against her ribs. "Not another child!"

"Aye. But this time they have him. The evidence is decisive."

"Well thank goodness for that."

"Ellie, I have to go."

"No, Alec, you don't. It's not your case. You're ill, and you need your rest."

"I'm fine. It's the weekend, no one will miss me. Terry has my car until this evening, but I've booked a room and I plan to see the officer in charge first thing tomorrow."

"Alec, don't do this."

"I have to. I have to know it's done."

"Shit! Fine. Look, I'll call you right back." She disconnected over his protest, and quickly tapped another number. 

"Aunt Ellie!" Olly's cheerful voice answered. "Thank god it's you!"

"Really?" said Ellie suspiciously. "Why's that?"

"It isn't Mum, it isn't Niobe in tears again, it isn't my glorious soon-to-be mother-in-law, it's my wonderful aunt who has nothing whatever to do with this ridiculous pantomime of a wedding I'm to appear in a month from now. I'm incredibly grateful, really I am."

Ellie couldn't help smiling. "Getting the best of you, are they?"

"I don't know how the human race has survived the modern institution of marriage," he grumbled. 

"I don't suppose you'd like to get away from it all for a day or two."

"I'd like nothing better. What did you have in mind?"

"Can you come up and stay with the boys for the weekend? There's some old business I need to see to out of town."

"I believe I could." There was a pause. "Oh, yes! They're picking up decorations tomorrow. When do you need me?"

"Soonest."

"What is it, lunchtime? I'll get this mess off to my editor and be there by six."

"You're a lifesaver. See you then."

Olly hung up, and Ellie clicked back to Alec's number. "Don't you move a muscle till I get there," she told him. "You're not going alone."

 

"You don't have to do this," said Alec.

Ellie turned from the window to look at him. Light from an oncoming car flashed across his face, making mountains of the tired lines around his mouth and oceans of the shadows under his eyes. His hands gripped the wheel decisively.

"Neither do you," she said.

He shook his head, but said nothing. She turned back to the window. She had kissed Olly and the boys and rushed out with a hurriedly-packed overnight bag and a stomach full of butterflies. Against expectation Alec had waited for her. Now, empty nighttime countryside streamed past as they neared Sandbrook, the tiny town that had forever made Alec Hardy's reputation.

"It isn't what I imagined," said Alec.

Ellie looked at him again. "What's that?"

"A weekend away with you." He flashed a tired smile. "I'd have found a nicer hotel at any rate."

Ellie felt herself blushing. "Thought about this a lot, have you?"

He chuckled. "Well -"

"It's fine, Alec." She laid her hand on his knee. He dropped one hand from the wheel and curled his fingers tightly around hers. His skin felt cold and damp. Reminded of her concerns, she bit her lip. She had said everything she could against this venture; nothing added now would help.

 

The tavern was run-down, its elderly proprietors suspicious of their late arrival and Alec's anxious manner. The wife eyed Ellie with disapproval as her husband hunted for a key among the clutter behind the counter. Finally the old man showed them to a room at the top of the stairs: stuffy, shabby, but clean enough as far as Ellie could tell in her tiredness. He grunted acknowledgement of Ellie's thanks and slammed the door behind them.

Alec dropped his case on the bed and drew out a thick file. He sat down at the rickety desk wedged in the corner by the window and turned on the lamp.

"What are you doing?" Ellie asked. "Is that the case file?"

Alec grunted and did not look up.

"You need rest," she said.

"I'm fine," he muttered.

"Of course you are." She sat down on the edge of the bed closest to him. "Let me help."

"There's nothing you can do." He turned a page. "You shouldn't have come."

"Obviously." She sighed noisily. "Have it your way." Grabbing her overnight bag she slipped out of the room and down the hall to the toilet. Pipes rumbled when she turned on the faucet, and the water came out in noisy spurts. The speckled mirror over the sink reflected a face that looked as old and tired as she felt. She washed her face and brushed her teeth and returned to the tiny room.

Alec lay slumped over the file on the desk. Dropping her bag Ellie rushed to his side and pressed her fingers to his throat. His pulse felt normal; he stirred, mumbling something unintelligible into his paperwork. Ellie sagged with relief. Gently, as if he were Freddy, she eased him upright and slid a pillow under his head. He frowned in his sleep. She slipped his jacket off over his shoulders and drew a blanket from the bed around him. He woke with a start.

"What happened?" he gasped.

"You're going to bed." Ellie pulled back the sheets. "Come on."

"Bloody hell, Miller," he snapped. "I have work to do."

"You need rest. You've just had a heart scare, a trip to emergency, and a three-hour drive in the dark. If you don't lie down now, I'm putting you back in the car and driving you straight home."

He glowered up at her, then shrugged off the blanket and moved to the edge of the bed. Ellie sat down in his chair as he untied his shoes.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I can't help it. I'm worried about you."

"Don't be." He kicked off his shoes and began to unbutton his shirt. His fingers stumbled with exhaustion. Ellie watched silently.

"I can't take care of you, you know," she said at last.

"No one's asked you to."

"I care about you, Alec. You've been my lifeline these last few months, you really have. I don't know what I would have done..." Her voice trailed off. She drew a deep breath and pushed on. "I'm at the end of my strength. If you lean on me too hard, I'm afraid I'll break."

Alec gave up on the buttons and dropped his hands into his lap. "What do you want from me, Ellie?"

"Just don't die on me." She looked at him hard, daring him to look away. "Can you do that?"

He held her gaze for a long moment. Then he reached out and took her hand, running his thumb delicately over her knuckles. Her skin tingled.

"I promise," he said.

 

The Sandbrook nick was a sleek and modern installation just outside the center of town. Polished stonework gleamed in the morning sun. Alec pushed through the glass front door as if he owned it. Ellie followed like a shadow.

The young black woman at reception took in Alec's rumpled suit and unshaven face and quickly set down the phone. "Can I help you?" she said sharply.

"Is DS Hartnell still here?" Alec asked.

The receptionist's eyes narrowed. "No, he isn't. Can I get your name?"

"Who's running the murder investigation?"

"Your name, please?"

"Bloody hell," Alec muttered. "The name's Hardy. Who's in charge around here?"

"One moment please." The receptionist picked up her phone and tapped in a number. "A Mr. Hardy for you, mum," she said.

Moments later a voice boomed across the lobby. "Alec Bloody Hardy," it said. A short blonde woman in a smart grey suit stomped into the room, her boots slapping on the laminate floor. She glowered up at Alec like a small angry dog. "What in god's name are you doing here?"

"Hello, Sandra."

"That's DI Crane to you." She frowned at Ellie. "And who the devil are you?"

"Ellie Miller. Just a friend."

"Miller? I know who you are." She turned a sour smile on Alec. "I followed the swath of destruction this one left behind. It wasn't enough to take my job and bollocks it up, was it? Had to do the same to her. And ruin her career while you're about it."

Ellie's cheeks flushed. "Can we talk?" said Alec tautly.

"No," said Crane. "You're death to this case. I want you out of town this instant. If I never see you again it'll be too soon."

"We're here to help," said Ellie.

"Are you? Then help. Get him out of here." She thrust a thick finger in Alec's face. "If the defense gets the slightest wind that you were here that's all our careful work for nothing. Your name is shit in these parts. If Chief Shepard sees you -"

"You've made your point," said Alec shortly. He turned and strode from the station, his long coat sailing out behind him. Ellie watched him go, then looked back at Crane.

"You know it wasn't -"

"Yes, of course I do," Crane snapped. "Still bloody stupid of him, if you ask me."

"I suppose." Ellie glanced toward the door, but Alec was already out of sight. "Thank you for your time."

"If you had the sense God gave a rabbit," Crane called after her, "you'd stay well away from him!"

 

She found Alec at the car, fumbling with his keys. They slipped from his grasp as she approached; shaking with frustration he reached for them, and smacked his head on the side mirror.

"Fuck!" he snapped, cradling his head. "This bloody town!"

A battered yellow saloon car rattled past, two sturdy young men leaning out and laughing at Alec's rage. He offered them two fingers. Ellie snatched up the keys.

"Go around," she ordered him.

"Ellie, give me the bloody keys."

"You're not driving until you've calmed down." She pushed him aside and unlocked the car. "Now get in."

Furious, Alec stamped around the car to the passenger side, got in and slammed the door. He sat fuming as she started the engine.

"Buckle in," she said, fastening her belt.

"Bloody hell, Miller -"

"Stop it." She rounded on Alec. "I've two boys at home, do you think I have any patience for a temper tantrum? Now act your age. Buckle in."

Stiffly he obeyed. Ellie let out a sigh and pulled the car out into the street.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know this was important to you."

He stared out the window, arms folded across his chest, and said nothing. Ellie drove on through the town. The yellow car turned off ahead of them, the boys still jeering. Following the road, no destination in mind, Ellie continued past a church and village green, past long rows of neat houses and gardens, out of town and up into the sheep-dotted hills. High clouds overtook the sun as she drove. Traffic thinned; the road emptied ahead of them. A tractor chugged through a nearby field. Ellie's fingers tightened on the wheel.

Finally Alec stirred. He drew his phone from his pocket and tapped in a number. Ellie could hear it ring.

"Crane," said a tinny voice.

"I've left town," said Alec. "I won't be back."

"Fine," Crane grunted.

"Will you keep me apprised?"

There was a long silence. "Fine," she said again. "I can do that much."

Alec sagged. "Thank you," he murmured.

Crane hung up without another word. Alec slipped the phone back in his pocket and looked out at the road ahead. "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere," said Ellie. The green hills rolled on. They passed another village: a dozen houses, another church, another green. The sky grew more overcast. Alec stared out the window.

Ellie recalled a dream she had had, in the early days after Joe's arrest, when the press and the trial and the accusing gazes of her friends were too much to bear. In the dream she drove alone under a leaden sky, Broadchurch at her back, home and family forgotten in her desperation to escape. Something followed her along the empty road, something huge and hungry; if she stopped for even a moment, it would have her. Her hands clutched the wheel grimly as a stark winter landscape rushed past.

Ahead, brake lights flashed, and Ellie jerked herself back into the present. Homes and small businesses dotted the roadside, the beginnings of a town. She eased off the pedal as traffic swelled. Alec looked around as if just wakened.

"I haven't a clue where we are," he said.

"Nor me," said Ellie. "Shall we stop?"

Alec took out his phone and frowned at it. "It's lunchtime."

"And there's a pub. That settles it." She pulled off the road, joining an already long line of parked cars. The building was narrow and dark, traditional style but well kept, with a sign hanging over the door.

"The Laird and Lady," Alec read. He glanced around as he climbed out of the car. "How far north are we?"

"Not that far," said Ellie. She stood and stretched, joints popping as her muscles eased. The cool air smelled fresh and green. A sheepdog barked from the front seat of an elderly estate car parked before them. Alec leaned on the car, watching her.

"You all right?" he asked.

Ellie nodded. She drew another fortifying breath. "It's like being on holiday again," she said softly. "The way it used to be, a long time ago."

Alec walked around the car to stand beside her. His hand brushed the small of her back. "When does your family expect you home?"

"Not until tomorrow." She looked at him; he seemed taller somehow, now that his temper had eased and the tension in his neck and shoulders faded.

"Then perhaps we could make it a holiday," he said.

She grinned. "In that case I'm having a pint. You can drive." She held out the keys, and he accepted them solemnly. "Also, you're buying," she added. "I've only had my job two weeks and I haven't been paid yet."

He returned the smile. He seemed a new man when he smiled; a younger, happier man. She liked that man.

"Holiday on me," he said. "Pints and all."

 

Ellie woke to birdsong outside the window. Pinkish daylight shone against the wall, and a cool breeze rustled the curtains. They'd found the hotel as if by magic, a comfortable traveler's inn not yet busy for the season, and welcoming of last-minute guests. A good dinner and a bottle of wine completed the recipe for contentment. "This is more like it," Alec had murmured in her ear as they turned out the lights.

Beside her now he stirred in his sleep. The shadows had gone from his eyes, though the thin lines remained. She traced his stubbled jaw with one finger. We're none of us young anymore, she thought. She bent to kiss him, then eased out of bed.

Emerging from the bathroom some minutes later, she found him standing at the window, gazing out into the sunlit wood with his shirt hanging loosely in his hands. From behind his naked body was all angles and sinews, bare bone loosely strung with skin. She could count his ribs and the vertebrae down his back. But he stood straight, without stooping; his skin was more pink than grey, and when he turned she caught a twinkle in his eye. 

"Good morning," he said with a smile.

"Hello." Her cheeks burned with sudden embarrassment. She hadn't brought a dressing gown, nor bothered with any clothes in bed; now by daylight she felt self-conscious. Two pregnancies had left her waist sagging like a deflated balloon, her breasts like stretched taffy. She folded her arms in front of her. 

"Ready for breakfast?" he asked her.

"Sounds lovely."

"And then?"

"Olly will need to get home," she said with regret. 

"Right." Alec pulled on his shirt and bent to gather some other clothes from the floor. 

"Alec," she said. "Thank you."

He looked up, his hair falling over one eye. Flooded with affection she smiled at him. 

"No, Ellie," he said, straightening. "Thank you."

 

Ellie gazed out the car window, her hand on Alec's leg, her mind wandering as the spring-green countryside rolled by. Just like the old days, she found herself thinking; before children, before the life she and Joe had built, before the betrayal. A sweeter, more innocent time. She savored the sensation, knowing it would quickly fade. 

The sign for Norwich flashed by, and she felt herself withdrawing, gathering herself as if bracing for an attack. She drew in a deep breath. Next month Olly would be married. There would be no more weekends with the cousins. Not that his fiancee wasn't a family woman, but Ellie didn't like to impose. And she had to admit she hated sneaking around on her boys. If she had someone in her life, honestly they deserved to know.

But Tom had made his feelings plain. If anything would drive him further from her, forcing closeness with Alec would do it. She couldn't bear the thought of having him hate her again. If only it hadn't been Alec. If only this had happened sooner, or later, and not when he was fifteen. But she knew it could not have been anyone else. It could not have been any other time. It was what it was. Perhaps Tom would come round.

"And perhaps the sun will rise in the west," she muttered.

"Hm?" Alec glanced at her, pulled from his own thoughts.

"Nothing, sorry."

He covered her hand with his. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "Just thinking about Tom."

"Don't worry about Tom," said Alec gently.

"I have to, I'm his mum." She gave Alec a wry smile. "It's in the job description."

"Then don't worry about me. Don't worry about me and Tom."

"If you say so," she said, puzzled.

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I do," he said.

Somehow she believed him, and her heart eased as they drove into the city.

 

"Someone at the door, Mummy!" Freddy called.

Ellie looked up from her sink full of dishes. Tom put away the plates he'd been drying and frowned. It was Wednesday, a school night, and no one was expected. With trepidation Ellie dried her hands and went to the door.

It was Alec, clean-shaven, wearing his usual long coat and a less-usual smile. He looked rested. He glanced down as Freddy peered around her legs.

"You're the ambulance man," said Freddy.

"That I am," said Alec. 

"Freddy, this is Alec," said Ellie. "Can you say hello properly, please?"

"Hello," said Freddy, offering a chubby hand. 

Alec shook hands solemnly, then reached into his pocket and drew out a toy ambulance, one with spinning wheels and lights that glittered. "That's for you, if you'll have it."

Freddy's eyes widened, and he glanced up at Ellie for approval before accepting the toy. "What do we say?" Ellie reminded him gently.

"Thank you," Freddy breathed. "Can I go play now, Mummy?"

Ellie smiled. "Go on with you, then," she said. She looked up at Alec as Freddy scampered away. "You know how to go straight to their hearts, don't you?"

"That's the easy one," he said grimly. "I really came to talk to Tom."

"Tom?" Every muscle in her body tensed. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Not at all," he said reassuringly. "I just wanted a word. If that's all right."

Ellie turned to call her older son, but he was already there, in the sitting room doorway with his hands clenched and a scowl on his face. "What's that copper want?"

"Just a word," said Alec. "You're not in any trouble."

"You don't have to," said Ellie.

Tom glared between the two of them, then with a shrug followed Alec out onto the step. Alec shut the door behind them. For a moment she stood there staring at the door, her mind whirling. Then, shaking her head to clear it, she went back to the kitchen to finish the dishes.

 

It was some time before Tom returned. She heard him thumping up the stairs as she tucked Freddy in, the ambulance in a place of honor by the pillow. When she went out into the hall Tom's door stood open. She peered inside.

Tom sat on the bed with his arms folded, still wearing a scowl.

"Do you fancy him, then?" he demanded.

Ellie slipped into the room and shut the door. "As it happens," she said, "yes, I do."

Tom glowered. Ellie waited.

"Well I won't be a shit about it then," he said finally.

Ellie stared. "All right."

"I was just thinking," he said, "you shouldn't have to be lonely just coz Dad's a maggot, and if you fancy that copper, well, I'm not going to bite your arm off."

"Thank you, I think," said Ellie.

Tom grinned, and for an instant her was her baby again. "If he breaks your heart or something, I really will do him in."

"I'll be sure he's properly cautioned." 

Tom swung his feet up on the bed and pulled his battered computer onto his knees, declaring the conversation officially over. Ellie crossed the room to kiss him on the head.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," she said. "I love you."

"Love you too, Mum," he said. "Shut the door, will you?"

 

Back in her own room Ellie picked up the phone. Alec answered on the first ring.

"What on earth did you say to him?" she asked.

"He spoke to me in confidence," said Alec. "I only listened, and answered his questions."

"Is that all?" She laughed.

"Am I to understand he's perhaps somewhat less opposed to the very idea of me?"

"It seems so."

"Well, I suppose that's something."

There was a long pause. Sensing that he wasn't finished, Ellie waited.

"Can I ring you this weekend?"

She smiled, suddenly brimming with joy. "I hope you will."

"Right then, I will."

"I'm glad."

He paused again. She could almost hear him thinking.

"Good night, Ellie," he said at last.

"Good night." 

He hung up; she set down the phone and sat on the edge of her bed. Maybe, she thought, just maybe, things would turn out all right after all.


End file.
